Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
