Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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