The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
