She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
