I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
