Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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