I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
