P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
