Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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