he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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