he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
