How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
