I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
