Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
