I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
