Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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