I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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