He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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