just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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