I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
