My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
