didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
