I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
