great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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