I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
