Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
