Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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