I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
