You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
please don't ironically join a cult
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