my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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