It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
