If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
