Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
