She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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