I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize