I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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