i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So much rum. So many feels.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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