I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize