If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Randomize
