Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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