Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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