I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
