I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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