Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
