tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
