he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
