if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
