my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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