4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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