So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
