im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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