I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
