It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
