where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
