I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
