So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
