You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
