Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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