Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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